A special friend got some fruits for us to eat. Watermelons and a pineapple. We decided to be creative and chopped it up into chips. Viola…Breakfast! looks more delicious now doesn’t it? I decided to call it pinemelon juicy chips… Nice right. What are you having for breakfast? Comment
December 1, 2016…Many say that this is the fastest year ever and I definitely agree. But it didn’t start out that way for me. It was slow at first. January… February… March… April. I had a lot of issues and baggages going on in my life that I wasn’t looking forward to the next day whenever I managed to fall asleep and I wanted the new day to go by quickly while I was awake. The day never cooperated with me though… It went by quickly while I slept and slow while I was awake.
From my stand point here in December, looking back at January I realize that I didn’t set a single goal much less achieve any. However some events took place that are worth remembering :
1) I was involved in a motor accident with my sister and we both survived (immensely grateful to God for that)
2) I had no idea who I was, what my dreams, hobbies, talents or visions were
3) I was lonely (no real friends just people that posed to be one and a boyfriend I couldn’t quite reach)
4) My anxiety, over thinking, depression, panic attacks, fear, insomnia had increased to greater heights. I had my stomach tied up in knots all the time from so much worry… Gosh the turmoil.
5) I had a non existent self worth and carried a broken heart yet still remained in the relationship.
6) Loss of concentration and focus in my education. Skipped classes and quit going altogether
7) My whole world revolved around my boyfriend and trying everything to fight for our relationship even though I knew that I was fighting alone. I had made him my God. Funny enough he insinuated that I was crazy and told me to “get my shit together ” LOL. He was very right… I begged him for calls, to pick mine, to reply my messages, to hang out with me on my birthday, to remember me when we were away.. Basically everything..
Yes you could call this the worst year of my life but that wouldn’t be entirely true because each of the previous years gradually brought me here because those other years were worse years too.
This is by no means to slander my ex. This also isn’t to hold a pity party. A few things went right too. Just saying. Now where was I?
8) April 8, 2016: with great pain and further heart break I broke up with the one I didn’t want to leave even though it was doing damage to me
9)April 22: “Withdrawal symptoms “. I questioned why in the world I left and wanted to go back to my hurtful comfort zone
10) In May, I don’t remember the exact date but I got saved. Not really the confessing that Jesus died and resurrected (I already believed that) kind but the kind where I could feel the Holy Spirit confessing to my spirit that I was saved. For the life of me I felt enormous peace and intense joy that I don’t remember ever feeling since I was 9 years old. Then I started to confess that Jesus is Lord and my spirit bore witness to it like never before. I just wanted to be where he was and fellowship. That was all I wanted… To lay all my burdens and rest in him like in Matt 11:28-30 and 1 Peter 5:7. Extreme exhaustion hit me and the realization that I could trust God gave me the courage to yield and truly rest after so many years
11) I slept a whole day like a baby without even taking a Pee break after that. There was an improvement in my eating and sleep pattern. No more panic attacks, fear, over thinking, anxiety, knots in stomach nor depression.
12) I forgave him but I was still sad, still disappointed, wished he came back for me and still wished it worked (slow progress)
13) I began to study for my ICAN exams with the help of a course mate 2 weeks to the exams
14) I focused on my new life in Christ by more fellowship, Bible study and meetings with other brethren in Christ
15) I sat for the ICAN exams and I wasn’t blank at all. I had a lot to write
16) June 5, 2016 I graduated. Yaaay… I didn’t like my school much
17) ICAN results came out and I failed all 5 papers
18) I saw my ex again when I went back home and the hurt and confusion started all over again
19) I was ill for weeks and had to be admitted to the hospital
20)I made new friends who showed me a lot of care while I was at the hospital with their presence and food 🐱
21) I had to cut some people off from my life and also reconnected with an old friend who has been a blessing to me presently
22) NYSC call up letter and posting came out (You would know this if you are Nigerian (National Youth Service Corps)) and I wasn’t among those posted for Batch B, stream 1
23) I lead someone to Christ. That was the most fulfilling day of my life. I was so happy that God chose to use me.
24) I had stayed at home since graduation for 5 months and I still hadn’t figured out what I should do with my life even though I had begun to discover bits and bits about who I was in Christ. The pressure started to come in from all the numerous questions from family and others about what was next with me
25) I had absolutely no plans of upsetting my new found peace with thoughts I had no answer to yet or stuffs I had no control over including the issues with my ex. So I decided to rest while I waited on God for his revelation and perfect will as well as spend more time getting to know myself and recovering my self esteem, knowing my self worth and value and letting time heal me of my heart break. By the grace of God through fellowship with the Holy Spirit I am making more progress in these areas daily.
December 1, 2016…I didn’t set any specific goals to achieve this year but I believe that it isn’t too late for me to do that now. I feel ready enough to take on new stuffs and my goals for the rest of 2016 are to keep discovering myself, more fellowship with God, guard my peace, stay healthy, love myself , experiment with new things and start up a blog…i already started with this one😊.
If you share a similar story with mine, let your goal for the rest of this year be discovering and loving yourself and also not leaving God out. There is no rush also.. Heal at your own pace but don’t hide out in your cave much longer than necessary. If your story is much much different from mine and you didn’t set a goal to achieve; time isn’t lost. You could always make one now and move towards it and if you set a goal and abandoned it half way you could always pick up now.
Let’s all finish the year 2016 fulfilled with God at the centre. Please feel free to comment and follow me on my instagram @queen_jennie or my twitter (I just opened it today too) @Jennifer_AnikeE
God bless you. Shalom. ❤